


The Allegedly Most Dangerous Branch of Government

by sidana



Category: Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter - Laurell K. Hamilton
Genre: Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-07-27 11:21:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16217981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sidana/pseuds/sidana
Summary: The IRS makes a mistake and decides to take on Jason





	The Allegedly Most Dangerous Branch of Government

disclaimer: not my characters, not my world, I'm just borrowing them for a bit.

originally posted at Pomme de Sang

***********

The Allegedly Most Dangerous Branch of Government

"Relax, Jason. It's going to be just fine. In fact, this could turn out to be a lot of fun if you'd just get into the spirit of things." Christine patted him on the arm as they sat in the waiting room together.

"Yeah, you can say that, oh accountant mine. You're not the one getting audited by the IRS."

"Trust me here. The last time one of my clients lost to these bozos was in 1987. Yeah, they're messing with you. The chairs in here are designed to be uncomfotable to sit in for more than five minutes. We're still waiting for our 2:30 appointment even though it's now 3:47. The scary envelope talking about jail times? All trying to get you beat down before you even got to the audit appointment itself. But we've got some tricks of our own up our sleeves." Christine had a gleam in her eye like she was thinking about going after the metaphorical kill.

"Jason Schuyler? Miss Watson is ready to see you now. Down the hall, and it's room 3-B on the left." The receptionist finally interrupted Jason's moping, and Christine and Jason proceeded as instructed.

Miss Watson's first name turned out to be Jennifer according to a nameplate on her desk. She was a fortysomething brunette wearing a badly fitting black business suit. She waived Jason and his accountant to another pair of painful looking chairs across from her desk. Jason noticed that her own chair looked much more comfortable than what the presumed guilty got.

"Thank you for coming in Mr. Schuyler." She smiled with her mouth, but it never reached her eyes. "There seem to be some irregularities with your 1040 from last year. I'm sure we can clear things up quickly here."

"Don't let it be said I try to stiff the government. It's just last year was kind of rough for me." Jason said as she sifted through what he assumed was his file on her desk.

"Let's get started then. I'm looking at your Unreimbursed Employee Expenses worksheet, and the numbers seem quite high." Watson said.

"Mr. Schuyler's employer pays a wage higher than average in his field with the understanding that he will pay for his own costuming and props." Christine said.

"Props?" Watson said.

"Yeah, like the handcuffs. First half of last year, we were doing a police routine at the club. Toss a $15 pair of handcuffs into a bachelorette group as a party favor, and it ends up being at least an extra hundred tucked back into my g-string. I probably went through eighty sets of them, but it was so worth it."

"Your g-string? I don't think I remember what you listed as your occupation, Mr. Schuyler?" Watson was starting to blush a little bit.

"Adult entertainment." Jason grinned. Maybe Christine was right, and this was going to be fun.

"Thank you. I don't think you need to go into more detail."

"But I love my job, and would just love to get a chance to tell you all about it."

"Only the parts related to your unreimbursed expenses, please."

"So you probably want to know about the three thousand dollars worth of leather pants too? Damn, that was a disaster. We were working on a costume prototype of sorts. I mean every guy out there does the hidden velcro down the sides so you can just pull them off trick. We were trying to figure out how to have the tear away part more up by the family jewels. If I would have known you folks were interested, I would have brought along one or two of the failed models so you could see how it just doesn't look right during the blow off."

"I don't think that will be necessary." Watson was going from pink to very, very red. "I think we can skip the rest of the work-related uniform questions."

"Good, since I don't like to stay in my work uniform very long." He winked at her.

"So that brings us to business travel expenses. One week spent at the Velvet Bunny Ranch and Brothel in Nevada."

"It was for a dance class related directly to my client's type of employment. I can show you the class brochure." Christine said.

"A dance class?"

"The kind of dancing I do, it's not like you can just sign up for a couple of classes with Ballet St. Louis for pointers. I can show you what I mean if you want."

"I don't think that would be necessary either, Mr. Schuyler." He wouldn't have thought it was possible, but she was getting even redder.

"Are you sure? I want to make sure everything is cleared up now so you don't try to audit me again later. I mean I know some of the line items seem pretty expensive, but my boss expects only the best from his employees whether it's costuming or decorum." Somewhere he could faintly hear Anita laughing about that decorum line. "Yeah, it may seem kind of extravagant to order ball gags shipped all the way from Italy, but you just can't get that level of workmanship from a domestic source."

"I'm sure. I promise there will be no further questions about your return." Watson said.

Somehow, Christine and Jason managed to keep straight faces as Watson sped through paperwork that would keep Jason a free wolf at least until the next tax season. But as soon as they left the St. Louis offices of the IRS, they turned to each other and burst out laughing.

"See I told you you'd enjoy it." Christine said.

"Not something I'd volunteer for, but it had its moments." Jason said.


End file.
